What every body is saying

Non-verbal communication is a big chunk of how we communicate. The following is a summary of the book What Every Body is Saying that I read a few years ago.

Body Part	Action	Explanation	Causes
Arms	Leap and thrust arms in the air	They feel good or confident	Gravity-defying actions are a common response to joy and excitement
Arms	Arms sink	They feel down
Arms	Arms freeze around certain people; especially seen on abused kids	They try not to draw attention to others	Limbic system’s freeze response
Arms	Arms behind their backs	Higher status display and isolating signal	Territorial display, when we are confident we spread out
Arms	Arms form a V shape displaying all the fingers	They are confident and unwilling to be bullied	Territorial display, when we are confident we spread out
Arms	Arms form a V shape displaying only one finger	They are inquisitive and concerned	Territorial display
Arms	Interlaced hands behind the head	They are comfortable and dominant	Territorial display, when we are confident we spread out
Body	Freeze	They feel threatened or exposed	Freeze, fight or flight
Body	Turtle effect: shoulders rise toward the ears	They suddenly lose confidence or are uncomfortable	When we are insecure, we tend to take up less space
Body	Leaning away from somebdoy	They disagree or feel uncomfortable around each other	Self defense mechanism: protecting internal organs (heart, liver, stomach, etc.)
Body	Self hug	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress	Similar to the way a mother hugs a young child
Body	Feet and legs splay out	They are becoming increasingly unhappy	Claim greater territory, indifference to authority, disrespectful
Body	Overall lack of personal hygiene and grooming	They are sad or ill	The brain has other priorities other than personal appearance
Chest	Puffing out the chest	Trying to establish territorial dominance
Eyes	Eye blocking (using one or both hands, or an object), squinted eyes	Display of consternation, disbelief or disagreement
Eyes	Eyes wander all over the room	They are disinterested or feel superior
Eyes	Pupil contraction	They have seen something they don’t like	Pupils contract so that we can see clearly and accurately in order to defend ourselves
Eyes	Pupil dilation	They have seen something they like	Pupils dilate to let in the maximum amount of light and sending more information to the brain
Eyes	Raise or arch eyebrows	They have seen something they like	Gravity-defying actions are a common response to joy and excitement
Face	Rubbing of forehead	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Face	Exhale with puffed out cheeks	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Face	Excessive yawning	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Feet	Happy feet: feet wiggling or bouncing	High confidence signal
Feet	Feet point at you	The welcome is genuine, they want to talk to you
Feet	Feet point away from you	They don’t want to be around you anymore
Feet	Feet make an L shape, one pointed at you, the other 90°	They want to talk to you but they have to be somewhere else
Feet	Toes point upward	The person is in a good mood or thinking or hearing something positive	Gravity-defying actions are a common response to joy and excitement
Feet	Feet shift from flat footed to the “starter’s position”	The person is ready to do something physical
Feet	Feet touching	There is a positive connection between two people
Feet	Feet shift from jiggling to kicking	They have seen something negative	Kicking is a subconscious way of fighting the unpleasant
Feet	Feet shift from wiggles to freeze	They are under stress or feel threatened	Tendency of an individual to stop activity when faced with danger
Feet	Turn toes inward or interlocks feet	They feel insecure, anxious or threatened	People tend to restrict arm and leg movements when lying
Fingers	Fingers planted spread apart on a surface	They are comfortable and dominant	Territorial display, when we are confident we spread out
Hair	Play with hair	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Hands	Hands hidden behind something, under something, or in pockets, when talking to someone	DON’T DO IT: People get the impression they are unfriendly and hiding something
Hands	Finger pointing	DON’T DO IT: People think it is very rude and offensive
Hands	Self-grooming when others are talking to you	DON’T DO IT: People think it is a sign of dismisiveness
Hands	Nail-biting	DON’T DO IT: Sign of insecurity or nervousness	Pacifying behaviour
Hands	Shaky hands	They are very excited or very nervous
Hands	Touching the spread fingertips of both hands, as if praying	They are very confident
Hands	Hand-wringing	They are stressed or concerned
Hands	Thumb up; thumbs sticking out of the pocket	They are very confident
Hands	Thumbs hidden, thumbs in pocket but lets fingers hang out on the side	They are not confident
Hands	Using the hands to frame the genitals	They are very confident	Dominance display with emphasis on the sexual
Hands	Stroke fingers across palm or rubbing hands together	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Hands	Fingers interlace to rub up and down	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Head	Head tilt	They are comfortable, receptive and friendly	We expose our most vulnerable area, the neck
Knees	Clasping of the knees	The person wants to get up and leave
Legs	Leg cleansing: hands on top of legs and slide them toward the knee	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress	Dries sweaty palms and pacifies through tactile stroking
Legs	Legs crossed while standing	They feel comfortable or confident; they tilt toward the person they like the most	Balance is reduced significantly because they are standing on one foot
Mouth	Lip compression, press lips to make them disappear	There is stress or anxiety	We are not allowing anything else into our bodies
Neck	Neck touching and/or stroking, playing with a necklace, adjusting tie	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Neck	Ventilator: pulling the fabric of the neck away from the skin	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Shoulders	Partial shrugs	Lack of commitment or insecurity
Shoulders	Both shoulders shrug sharply and equally	Lack ok knowledge, but they confidently support what they are saying	Gravity-defying actions are a common response to joy and excitement
Sounds	Whistling	Pacifying behaviour, response to stress
Stomach	Upset stomach	Response to a stressful situation	During emergencies there is no time for digestion, the body prepares for escape or physical conflict
Torso	Body turns away from somebody or something	They can’t handle what they are seeing	The ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brain has an inherent need to protect it from things that can harm us
Torso	Crossing of the arms or use of an object to cover the torso (pillows)	Discomfort of the situation	The ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brain has an inherent need to protect it from things that can harm us
Torso	Torso bow	Regard and respect for others	Let the higher-status person know that his position is clear
Torso	Stooping as walking or standing	They are mentally depressed	The weight of the world bringing them down
Eyes	Incresed blink rate	They are aroused, troubled or nervous
Face	Tilted head and side glance or brief roll of the eyes	They are distrustful or unconvinced
Mouth	Real smile: the corners of the mouth point toward the eyes	They are truly happy
Mouth	Lips pursed as if prepared to kiss	They disagree with something or someone
Mouth	Sneer	They don’t respect you or your thoughts
Mouth	Excessive lip licking, mouth touching	They are stressed or concerned	Pacifying behaviour
Mouth	Tongue jutting (placing tongue between teeth, without touching the lips)	They were caught doing something they shouldn’t, or they gott away with something
Nose	Nasal wing dilation	They are aroused	Provides oxygenation
Face	Crinkle nose	They are disgusted
Face	Chin pointed upward	They are comfortable and confident
Face	Chin pointed downward	They are insecure
Body	Sitting on a chair and holding onto it like an ejector seat	They are stressed or uncomfortable
Hands	Palms-up position (showing the palms)	They want to be believed or accepted
Hands	Palm down position	They are confident about what they are saying